A 15 year old boy in Fern Park, Florida stole a bus and then took it on its regular route, collecting three passengers and fares. And apparently this is not the first time that he has done this.

I say instead of charging him with a crime, they should just give him his license. The article is worth reading in its entirety.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 On FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the
sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to
the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now
this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with
no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from
my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers,were all
laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber
dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing
but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with
tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and
told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream
put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was
swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat
to yourself, “”I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.”" Now whenever
you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jelly fish bad day

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn’t say a word…he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said , “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving”right now” she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in awhile. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said “No”. I kept thinking “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clean clothes with me.” Then I said, “Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?” “No,” he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, “Danny, did you have an accident?” This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled “SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!” While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d
ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don’t get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked: “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+ 18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard Work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and shoots you !

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away…

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your. publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute…

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an a** hole.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (DUH!)

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was
starting The Purina Diet again. I told her that I probably shouldn’t because last time I’d ended up in the hospital, although I’d lost 50 pounds. I continued and told her that I had awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food was nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I’d been sitting in the street licking my
balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents
were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they
had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A
month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not
find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the
local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home,……… including the
curtain rods.

This occurs when “”Fragile travellers (can) lose their bearings. When the idea they have of the country meets the reality of what they discover it can provoke a crisis,”" psychologist Herve Benhamou told the paper.

The really scary thing is that this “”syndrome”" made it into a medical journal. The funny thing is that it is about the French.

Aaron Nicholson – Singer/Songwriter
“”Some music has the ability to stop time, and Aaron’s music does that.”" – Deedee O’Malley
“”No cheap date!”" – Ed Asner

Deedee O’Malley – Singer/Songwriter
“”Mind-blowing power like you’ve never heard”" – Inside Indie Music Magazine
Winner of the Lilith Fair Competition

Jorjeana Marie – Comic Hostess
Fun AND funny – a sarcastic breath of fresh air and engaging physical comedianne.

This Week’s Special Guest – Bethany and Rufus
“Unbelievable!” is the word most used by audiences when first hearing Bethany & Rufus,hose cello and voice duo breaks new musical ground, sliding with seamless ease between groove, jazz and a gritty, unvarnished approach to traditional folk music.

Each Friday – Oct. 27 thru Dec. 8th, 10:30pm
Hub Theatre, tickets $15
5245 Lankershim blvd. North Hollywood, CA 91601
info: 818-859-7056 – myspace.com/latenightliveLA
A Woodriver Production