I have a Border Collie and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (DUH!)

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was
starting The Purina Diet again. I told her that I probably shouldn’t because last time I’d ended up in the hospital, although I’d lost 50 pounds. I continued and told her that I had awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food was nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I’d been sitting in the street licking my
balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!